Superstition

I've never really thought of myself as being a superstitious person, and have generally sought to pour scorn on those who are. But recently it's occurred to me that, actually, I seem to be becoming more and more superstitious.

Take Magpies, for instance. One for sorrow, two for joy etc etc. Well, there are bloody loads of the buggers round 'ere. But how many do you see at a time? That's right, they're always bloody on their own, portenting bad luck at me several times a day. Which means I find myself constantly reciting 'Hello Mr Magpie, where's your mate' in order to allay said bad luck. Which let's face it, is a little bit nuts.

And not just magpies. I appear to have fallen for the random 'Friday the 13th means bad luck' thing too. In fact, I'm getting pretty wary of the number 13 generally. I have always refused to have my car radio at volume level 13, despite that nearly always being the volume I want. So I either struggle to hear properly or am deafened, all so I can avoid the 13.

I justify all this by telling myself, 'I'm not superstitious, but why tempt Fate?'. Logical enough, I suppose, but I think it's beginning to get a bit silly.

So, I hereby vow to loosen this noose of superstition that at times threatens to strangle me. I will continue to admire the magpie, for I think they are particularly striking birds, but I will no longer be asking every single magpie I meet how their mate is. Anyway, they may be single, having just come out of a particularly nasty breakup from Mrs Magpie, and probably don't appreciate me sticking my beak in, as it were.

My first brave step towards this goal was to drive the three miles back from Tesco today with the radio volume at 13. Nothing bad happened on the journey, although I did see a magpie as I turned onto my road, which I thought might be an omen.

So, I just checked how his mate was.

Well, I don't want to tempt Fate, do I?

Training for the Railways?

I think the staff at London Midland have all been on some sort of communications course.

On Wednesday, we were just coming into a station when suddenly the lights went out, the engines went quiet, and we sort of glided into the station. There was a brief whirring noise, then the engines came back to life. The driver comes onto the tannoy: "Apologies, ladies and gentlemen, ... I stalled it". The whole carriage laughed, in one of those rare moments when commuters, usually engrossed silently in their ipod, newspaper or book, awoke briefly from their stupor to share a moment of fun.

And then tonight (Friday), the previous train had been cancelled, and ours was delayed. So when it eventually turned up, hundreds of us swarmed on to stand in a sardine-style crush in the carriage. The voice came over the tannoy: "Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen. Apologies for the heavy loading tonight [interesting choice of phrase], due to a person taken ill on an earlier service and that train being cancelled. But don't worry, we'll make sure we get you all home safely". It was rather sweet!

Anyway, London Midland, so incompetent in so many ways, not least when it comes to insisting that a train is on time even five minutes after it should have shown up, have made me smile twice this week, and for that I thank them.

The Resolutions

Well, it's a new year. So, here we go, here are the resolutions:

1. Save. £5,000 to be precise.
2. Be less moody.
3. Stop biting fingernails.
   
4. Get a new job.

Objectives, which let's face it, is all resolutions are, should be SMART (or so the management gurus tell us). That is, Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Timely. Well, they're new year resolutions, so they're all 'Timely' (ie, must be met within 12 months). But how do they do on the SMAR part of things? Oh, and what do they mean?

1. Save. £5,000 to be precise.

Well, this is the perfect resolution isn't it. It's very Specific, easily Measurable, it should be Attainable and is pretty Relevant. You see, I want to buy a house. My friends are starting to buy houses, my brothers own houses, and it's about time I got on the ladder. Only problem is, I don't have nearly enough for a deposit, and can't afford a mortgage anyway. So, £5,000 is to be saved this year to go towards all things house-y.

Attainable? Well, yes, but with difficulty - over £400 per month will certainly be stretching. But could be made much easier with the successful accomplishment of resolution 5!

2. Be less moody.

You see, at the end of last year, I'd got to the stage of being moody, at least some of the time (ok, quite a lot of the time), with just about everyone. My housemate, my friends, colleagues, customers and those random acquaintances like shop assistants.

Which simply isn't good enough. It's not the person I want to be. So I hereby vow to be more cheerful. I will sigh less, frown less, and use less pithy, sarcastic responses. Okay, I will probably still employ sarcasm, but I will be more cheerful about it and show I don't mean it really. Warm sarcasm, if you will.

Measurable? Ask my friends in 12 months' time.

3. Stop biting fingernails.

Yes, you'd think that by my age this wouldn't be too difficult, but I'm still struggling with it. It's now four years since I really started trying to stop, and I did quite well. Twelve months ago even, I thought I'd beaten it - I had a full set of nails (this will seem like a pathetic achievement to most people, but after at least 10 years of nail biting, having 10 fingernails is quite a moment!). Anyway, the last six months have been a bit, you know, stressful, and the nails were the first thing to suffer.

So, in 2010, I want to get back to that full compliment of nails. I am starting the year with 10 horrible, bitten, gnawed nails.

Measurable? Easy. Attainable? I hope so. I really do.

4. Get a new job.

Oh yeah, save the big one till last, huh! A new job. How new? Well, I certainly ain't gonna say no to a promotion at the current place, but I think, ultimately, a fresh start would be best. I can't see myself there long-term, so I guess there's little point hanging around. It's a job, not a career, and it's not even a job I particularly enjoy.

So, that's the last resolution. The most difficult, probably, for many reasons, but the most important - certainly the one I'll be most disappointed not to achieve.

And that's it. My five resolutions. SMART? We'll see.